Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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