happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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