The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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