It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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