I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i think my cat just said my name.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
