A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
