If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
