I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
