do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize