the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
