My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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