guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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