fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
