I'm drive I can fine osifer
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
