I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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