I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
