We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
