I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
