also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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