found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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