I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize