my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
