I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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