I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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