Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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