she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
