I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
