So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
