Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
