And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
