life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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