u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
