just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
