I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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