you guys were way drunker than both of me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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