I must be too annoying 4 u.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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