i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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