I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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