I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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