it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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