Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
