piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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