My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
