he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
