My liver just broke up with me...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize