Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
