I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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