babies were throwing up all over the place
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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