She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
