we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
