Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
