smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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