i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize