I look better un-naked...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
