the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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