he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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