I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
