Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
