Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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