I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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