Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
