I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
