...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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