I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
