your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
