The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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