I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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