WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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