WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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