Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
