Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
